feel me ~ amber gris
「feel me」
amber gris
震える手を手にあてがい、
窓叩く風に怯え、
ブランケットで身を窶して
祈りの果て、朝を待つ。
鞴の音が影を揺らす。
悪魔の囁きの様に
溜め息の度、浮力奪われ
水底で足掻く魚。
東の空にも火の手が上がれど
その身を案ずる事にも疲れた。
ねぇ 私はまだここにいるよ
退屈な孤独と病に苛まれ
ほら 私はまだここにいるよ
写真立ては伏せて、日記も書けぬまま。
―今も。
痛みを増し、紗を退け、
身を汚す斑模様
蔑む声、下卑た言葉、
耳打ちに肩を竦め
今日を終える安堵と
明日への不安は続く。
今尚、何処かで誰かを殺めるの？
便りも途絶えて何年も過ぎたわ
ねぇ 私のすぐそばにいて、と
どんな薬よりもその手が欲しかった
あぁ 私が消えてゆく
未だ、伝えたい感謝も想いも告げぬまま
夢の淵に花は咲いて
遠くに鐘、鳴り響いて
次に会えるその頃には
あなたが愛した私に戻れるかしら
ありがとう。
―おやすみなさい。
~♦~
‘feel me’
by amber gris
Clasping my trembling hands,
startled by the wind pounding the window,
I wrap myself in a blanket
at the limits of prayer, and wait for morning.
The sound of the bellows shakes the shadows.
Like the whisper of a demon
each time I sigh, my buoyancy is snatched away
a fish floundering at the bottom of the sea.
Even though licks of flame rise in the eastern sky
I’ve grown weary of becoming anxious.
Hey, I’m still here!
Tormented by tedious solitude and illness
See, I’m still here!
Picture frame turned down, diary remaining unwritten.
―Even now.
Increasing the pain, removing the gauze,
body tainted by the mottled pattern
disdainful voices, coarse words,
I shrug my shoulders at the whispers
The relief of finishing the day and
my uneasiness about tomorrow continues.
Will someone somewhere still be wounded, even now?
It’s been so many years since the correspondence ceased
Hey, stay right here by my side,
I wanted that hand more than any medicine
Ah, I’m fading away
The gratitude and thoughts I still want to express remain unsaid
Flowers bloom in the depths of my dreams
in the distance, a bell resounds
I wonder if the next time we meet
I’ll be able to return to the me that you loved
Thank you.
―Good night.
